Why do people want a “witness” to their trauma?

A cornerstone of trauma treatment for decades has been the telling of the story to a "witness." But telling "what happened" is not just a drive to be “witnessed.”

Human beings want to be heard when they are afraid, distressed, angry, hurt, or lonely because they want someone to help “do something” in an attempt to shift their nervous system state.

A cry for help is a natural response. It is an instinctive response for children especially, or anyone feeling vulnerable.

So, "wanting to be heard" while healing trauma may be a feeling memory of the longing to be helped, not a present day longing to be acknowledged.

It makes so much sense to want to be helped… then and now. And what strength you have, for trying to get what you need. Keep going.

Is love enough?

(when you feel helpless to support a loved one)

Love is an invitation for someone to love themselves deeper, to open… to feel their worth, to connect. I’m sure you show your love to friends and family on the regular, but especially when you know someone is struggling, you may express your love and care for them even more.

Is this love and care enough to help someone who is experiencing a hard time?

You are showing up for your loved one by showing you care, and this could catalyze a change. However, others have to be willing to accept love, to open, to change, to accept help, and to show up for themselves.

Sometimes we feel helpless or frustrated when we try to help others by showing them we love them and they are worthy. We hope it inspires them. We try to fill them with love, pour it into them. Sometimes it’s hard to understand if it doesn’t seem to be making a difference. We may feel at a loss.

Remember, your loved one is the container of themself and they have to be willing to open to your love, to hold onto it, and to transform it.

Know you are doing all you can. And by maintaining your own container through the self care that you find nourishing, you are giving even more.

So, forget the question: is love enough… its not that simple. Instead of asking yourself if you are doing enough, ask yourself what more you need at this time. It’s easy to forget about ourselves when our heart is going out to another.

Know that love is a lot. Know you are giving more than you realize. Know that even if it doesn’t seem to be received, you are emitting it. Recognize your limits in giving to others. Keep giving to yourself. Show up for you.

Guess what? You’re living your love.

Learning from fear

i love this quote.

“ FEAR has two meanings :

. . . forget everything and run . . .

. . . face everything and rise . . .

the choice is yours. “

-zig ziglar

so many times you have wanted to give up on something or someone, to run away or hide, before you have even gotten started.

but there’s so much here to discover. there’s so much more of you that you have yet to meet.

fear can be protective. maybe it was good to stay away from certain situations that your gut told you were off.

(in what ways has fear helped you?)

fear can also be limiting. you may feel stagnant, afraid to make a move.

(in what ways has fear held you back?)